if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
