he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
