I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
