Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
