I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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