this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
