Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
