Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm like, not good at living.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
