i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Randomize
