After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
