so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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