I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
im calling her cock vulture from now on
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
