you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
