I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
