My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You had me at "let me see your balls"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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