Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Randomize