I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
she woke up with a sticky ear
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
