hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
We got so high we made milksteak
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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