chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
two words: eviction party
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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