we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
