There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
