I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
