I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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