so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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