There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I have fence marks all over my body
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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