I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
