saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
