just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
