The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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