I got chris browned last night
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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