i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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