i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
