You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize