Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize