Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
