So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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