think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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