I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
