dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
