I cannot find my penis.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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