I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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