Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
