For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
