took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
