So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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