i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
