We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
