Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I think people are normalizing furries
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
