I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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