i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
