Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
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