it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
