I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
