Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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