he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Girls should come with a carfax report
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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