I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
