tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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