What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
