Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
