I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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