Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize