so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
