you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
