Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
