If i come over, it means nothing
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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