Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
