I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just google imaged poop.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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