We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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