Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
