Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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