That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
time to smoke my breakfast
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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