I got chris browned last night
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
