i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize