He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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