oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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