he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
