You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
