Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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