Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
