It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
honey bunches of taint.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
