ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
