I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
