okay pat passed out under dana's car
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
