found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
