she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
