he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
