Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
