i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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